Husband Wife Jokes In English
A man goes down on his knees and proposes to her..
Marry Me… and Make me the Happiest Man in the World
Looking bewildered she replied
You want Both !!!??
While getting married, most of the guys say to girl’s parents dat, “Mai aapki beti ko shaadi ke baad bohot khush rakhunga”
Have you ever heard a girl saying something like this to the boy’s parents….??????
No….. because women don’t lie
There are two types of wives.
First Type: Quiet, Beautiful, Understanding, Not Argumentative, Loving, One who listens to husband
Second Type: Your own wife
Ravana was furious with all the people ganging up to burn him. He shouted at all of them “what harm did I do to any of you? I didn’t kidnap your wife “
The angry crowd responded “that’s what we are burning you for, you evil guy. “
Husband: I need space…
Wife: Join NASA..
A controversial & debatable …question
Today if Ravan took your wife away ….. would you still consider him evil ……
Doc to lady: Any history of insanity in the family ? Lady: Yes… My husband thinks he is the Boss of the house!!!
Wife: I have changed my mind
Husband: Is it working now?
Maximum wives hate their husband’s friends…!!!
Maximum husbands love their wife’s friends…!!!
…..Men are generally nice…..
Wife is angry 😡as hubby stands too close to a beautiful girl in bus, a few seconds later the girl slaps him for pinching.
Hubby to wife: I swear I didn’t .
Wife: I know, I did it..
Height of misunderstanding:
A man married his own secretary thinking that she will still follow his orders as before !!
What is the difference between welding and wedding
In welding there are sparks first and bonding forever, , whereas in wedding there is bonding first and sparks forever
Difference between “Facebook” and “Whatsapp” conversation :
On “Whatsapp” –
Wife : Kab se wait kar rahi hoon. Ghar kab aa rahe ho, Loafer?
Husband : Abhi kuchh pataa nahi. Dimaag mat chaato. Jab dekho pareshaan karti rehti ho.
On “FaceBook” –
Wife : Dear when will you be back? You are the best husband in the world. Miss you. Come back soon.
(Status liked by 50 of her friends)
Husband : Thanks for being there always. So lucky to have a wonderful wife like you. Will be back soon honey. (Status liked by 75 friends,
including sister-in-law & mother-in-law) Dow din se mera Kya hoga?
Wife: Today, I want to relax, So I have brought three movie tickets.
Husband: why three tickets?
Wife: you and your parents.
Husband & Wife dono market gaye to Ek Ladki ne HELLO kiya..
Wife:“kaun thi wo ??
Husband:“Tum plz dimag kharab mat karo,.. . abhi usko bhi batana hai ki tum kaun ho..!!
WHO’S GUILTY ! Husband and wife are sleeping..
Wife dreaming… and she suddenly shouts “Quick, my husband is back”… Husband gets up in lightning speed & jumps out of the window.
New in the market
Wife : Chalo na aaj Sunday hai. Bahar chalte hai Aur drive mai karungi
Husband Wow! Matlab, jayenge car me aur aaynge Kal k Akhbaar me.
Wife : “Naari” Ka Matlab Kya Hai?
Husband : Naari Ka Matlab Hai Shakti.
Wife : To Phir Purush Ka Matlab Kya Hai?
Husband : ‘Sahan Shakti’
Heated gold is called ornaments
Beated copper is called wire
Compressed carbon is called diamond.
Heated,beated and compressed human is called HUSBAND
Husband: Have you heard of King Akbar?
Wife: Yes, what about him?
Husband: He had three wives.
Husband: That means I can marry two more times?
Wife: Have you heard of Draupadi !!!???
Husband: I was just kidding dear!!!! You take things too seriously!!!!
Wife: Dear..do you remember what saree I was wearing when u came to see me…for the first time.
Husband: No..I don’t remember.
Wife: see..u don’t love me at all.
Husband: its not like that honey.. A person going to keep his head on the railway track will not be checking whether it is shatabdi express or Rajadhani.
Best one line ad by a married man on OLX:
“For Sale – Wedding Suit, used only once by Mistake……”
Man outside phone booth: “Excuse me you are holding phone since 29 minutes and you haven’t spoken a word”.
Man inside: “I am talking to my wife”
Wife joins english speaking class. After few days.
Wife : Welcome home darling.
Husband : I m so tired today.
Wife : Ok. Rest in Peace.
A woman sued a reputed Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in her.
A hospital spokesman replied: “He was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was just correct his eyesight.”
Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right.
It only means that the safety of your head is much more important than your ego!
It is said that when a woman closes her eyes, she sees the person she love the most and when a man does that.
The slide show begins.