30 Husband Wife Joke
Wife is angry 😡as hubby stands too close to a beautiful girl in bus, a few seconds later the girl slaps him for pinching.
Hubby to wife: I swear I didn’t .
Wife: I know, I did it..
Height of misunderstanding:
A man married his own secretary thinking that she will still follow his orders as before !!
What is the difference between welding and wedding
In welding there are sparks first and bonding forever, , whereas in wedding there is bonding first and sparks forever
Difference between “Facebook” and “Whatsapp” conversation :
On “Whatsapp” –
Wife : Kab se wait kar rahi hoon. Ghar kab aa rahe ho, Loafer?
Husband : Abhi kuchh pataa nahi. Dimaag mat chaato. Jab dekho pareshaan karti rehti ho.
On “FaceBook” –
Wife : Dear when will you be back? You are the best husband in the world. Miss you. Come back soon.
(Status liked by 50 of her friends)
Husband : Thanks for being there always. So lucky to have a wonderful wife like you. Will be back soon honey. (Status liked by 75 friends,
including sister-in-law & mother-in-law) Dow din se mera Kya hoga?
Wife: Today, I want to relax, So I have brought three movie tickets.
Husband: why three tickets?
Wife: you and your parents.
Husband & Wife dono market gaye to Ek Ladki ne HELLO kiya..
Wife:“kaun thi wo ??
Husband:“Tum plz dimag kharab mat karo,.. . abhi usko bhi batana hai ki tum kaun ho..!!
WHO’S GUILTY ! Husband and wife are sleeping..
Wife dreaming… and she suddenly shouts “Quick, my husband is back”… Husband gets up in lightning speed & jumps out of the window.
New in the market
Wife : Chalo na aaj Sunday hai. Bahar chalte hai Aur drive mai karungi
Husband Wow! Matlab, jayenge car me aur aaynge Kal k Akhbaar me.
Wife : “Naari” Ka Matlab Kya Hai?
Husband : Naari Ka Matlab Hai Shakti.
Wife : To Phir Purush Ka Matlab Kya Hai?
Husband : ‘Sahan Shakti’
Heated gold is called ornaments
Beated copper is called wire
Compressed carbon is called diamond.
Heated,beated and compressed human is called HUSBAND
Husband: Have you heard of King Akbar?
Wife: Yes, what about him?
Husband: He had three wives.
Husband: That means I can marry two more times?
Wife: Have you heard of Draupadi !!!???
Husband: I was just kidding dear!!!! You take things too seriously!!!!
Wife: Dear..do you remember what saree I was wearing when u came to see me…for the first time.
Husband: No..I don’t remember.
Wife: see..u don’t love me at all.
Husband: its not like that honey.. A person going to keep his head on the railway track will not be checking whether it is shatabdi express or Rajadhani.
Best one line ad by a married man on OLX:
“For Sale – Wedding Suit, used only once by Mistake……”
Man outside phone booth: “Excuse me you are holding phone since 29 minutes and you haven’t spoken a word”.
Man inside: “I am talking to my wife”
Wife joins english speaking class. After few days.
Wife : Welcome home darling.
Husband : I m so tired today.
Wife : Ok. Rest in Peace.
A woman sued a reputed Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in her.
A hospital spokesman replied: “He was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was just correct his eyesight.”
Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right.
It only means that the safety of your head is much more important than your ego!
It is said that when a woman closes her eyes, she sees the person she love the most and when a man does that.
The slide show begins.
Husband: I found Aladin’s lamp today.
Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??
Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..
Wife: oh..jaan..luv u so much.. Did he do that??
Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn’t apply on zero.
Judge : Why did you beat your husband’s head with a chair?
Wife : Because the table was a bit too heavy for me to lift.
A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.
“How wonderful! But I hope you don’t mind me asking what happened to your first husband?”
“He ate poisonous mushrooms and died.”
“Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?”
“He ate poisonous mushrooms, too, and died.”
“Oh, how terrible!
I’m almost afraid to ask you about your third husband.”
“He died of a broken neck.”
“A broken neck?”
“He wouldn’t eat the mushrooms.”
Shocking Introduction at a party…
One man to another: Meet my wife tanya ..
2nd one : ya, I know her.
1st one : how..?
2nd one : we were caught many a times sleeping together.
1st one : Wat??? Angrily.. What the hell u r talking..??
2nd one : during lectures in science & history classes. We were classmates.
A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, Husband: “the food looks delicious, let’s eat.”
Wife: honey…..you say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: that’s at home sweetheart……here the chef knows how to cook.
A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn’t speak to him for 6 months.
Was the necklace FAKE?
Nooooo! That was the deal!!
A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.
His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.
“My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I’m still in my pajamas and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight ! Why the hell did you bring him home for?”
Husband answers “Because he’s thinking of getting married”
A married man’s prayer;
Dear God, u gave me childhood, u took it away
U gave me youth, u took it away.
U gave me a wife………. Its been years now,
just reminding u……
A frustrated husband in front of his laptop:
dear google, please do not behave like my wife…
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting
Wife : Shall I prepare Sambar or Rasam today .
Husband : First make it, we will name it later
When you are in love,
But once you get married,
You wonder, what happened.
Philosophy of marriage :
At the beginning,
every wife treats her husband as GOD..
Later, somehow don’t know why..
alphabets get reversed.. DOG
Secret formula for married couples…
“Love One Another”
And if it doesn’t work, bring the last word in the middle.!!!!